Letters to Me and To You

     The apple doesn't fall far from the real plastic tree. Hello again. I write to you on a Sunday evening in which I have done nothing except watch Young Royals the entire day (pretty good show as far as Netflix goes), as well as thinking about how I want to respond to a letter I was sent. There are many great things about letters. I haven't sent much in my life, compared to the average Civil War soldier circa 1862, or something like that. I did used to write them though, mostly to my Great Uncle out in San Francisco. He used to send me these brainiac puzzles and board games in the mail because I guess my family liked to rave about how clever I was. In addition to that, he would send letters that I would respond to. Its a really earnest thing that a lot of people simply don't have the time or patience to do. I forget how long it went on for but we stopped eventually and I kind of want to pick it up again. So here is my love letter to The Letter. I will excessively romanticize and idealize this concept until I have the perfect amount of motivation. 

I was so eager to get my letter that I decided not to wait- I'll just write a page, front and back. I did this a few weeks ago now, so its not up to date on the current details of my life. Picture it as the main body of the message I will send- a starting point, but not the very main focus of the letter. I wanted to send random papers and sketches along as well, just these little things that you might want to keep in your desk or put on your wall. So I wrote a "mixtape" on a pink index card. Then I wrote some quotes from Howl by Allen Ginsberg and some facts about him. 

Then- I finally got the letter. The envelope was so beautiful I just have to share- 

The stamps, the doodles, the tape. This is the kind of wonderful thing that makes me want to be way more imaginative. How could you not? It feels like a reward to receive something like this. I should do something to deserve it, return the favor. Artists and artist friends will have you feeling like this, I think. The contents though... it made me feel really special. Is all I will say. I love little things, I love stickers, postcards, letters, teabags, everything. Crafting a good response is the challenge. 

A week or so later, I took advantage of the printers in the University Center to do print some random pictures, nice and bright and glossy. I cut each of them out. I wrote a little bit on the back of each one describing the image and why its relevant to me, or why I'm sending it. Its good to do things with intention but sometimes you just get a spontaneous idea and see where it can take you. A movie I watched, some interesting snippet of something I had to read for class, images I saved because I thought it was cool, a picture of me as a baby, and so on. I had to include book recommendations too of course. I wrote this whole thing about two books that I've read and a proposal for a book club. You always have to scatter some stickers in there too, the stickers are important. Its makes things feel more silly and exciting. 

I won't say too much about what I received in the first place- because its already a little personal documenting the content of what I'm going to send. I will say though that I was challenged to make a few stamps. I tried and they looked really cute, but I wasn't thinking very hard. They're backwards when you actually stamp them. I should know this since I've done a few linoleum prints before, but I guess I'm rusty. I did a few test stamps and then realized this. Its heartbreaking. But I think I'll do something with these designs- the besos one is a favorite. I can still use the sardine one thankfully. 

I'm not sure what the deal is with the envelopes I bought, but they're a little thick. I might need to throw 2 or 3 stamps on them for it to mail. Apparently I'll have to weigh it at the post office to see what I have to do. I wish mailing things was so much easier than it actually is. Of course we all still mail things and receive mail but this kind of recreational mailing is definitely not as popular anymore. 

A Letter: A formal communication sent by one person to another, usually over a great distance. 

Theres a pretty great distance between us- my pen pal. We were gym pals too. We had entire period-long conversations about politics and pop culture, I would always go on some sort of tangent- recommending some show or book along the way. Our back and forth got pretty funny, exchanging weird anecdotes. Anyways I look forward to sending my letter no matter how many stamps I'm going to need for it. To be quite honest I wrote most of this in a haze after I watched Bodies Bodies Bodies and was feeling inspired by my love for actor Lee Pace. 

Love, Madeline 

Consumer or Artist or Both or Neither

 

(some Adobe Illustrator thing I made when I discovered you could make star shapes have more points)

  I really want to write on here more but college pretty much just started and I want to really settle in before I dedicate my time to any other things. I get distracted so easily. I even have some homework that I could totally be working on right now, but I'm not really feeling like it. I like to post my little posts on my spam instagram but sometimes I go way to far into depth that it feels more like what I should be doing on here or in a diary than meaningless photo dumps. They're actually full of meaning! 

    On college: I like my classes and my teachers (professors?) for the most part. There are some classes where the prof is so vague in what they want you to do for an assignment, and then you ask for clarification and end up becoming more confused. Its weird trying to make friends. I feel like I've gone over it so many times in my head and in conversation with people,  I just can't dwell on it too much because it feels like I'm pitying myself rather than actually making an effort. My Integrative Seminar class and our first project has gotten me to think more about how I write and how impersonal I am when I write. The Studio and Seminar classes have the same theme which is Memory, so our first project was to write on one page about a specific memory but in an unconventional way. Non-linear, line breaks, strikethroughs and blackout poetry, etc, paired with a reading + discussion of Ocean Vuong's On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous (love that book!). When I was trying to write I just kept going over the chronology of what happened in the memory and the surface level emotions that I was feeling. Maybe I should go to a writing workshop or something because I feel like it should come more naturally than it actually does..? Self doubt gets in the way of writing in "personal" ways.  Who cares if what I do is cliche, stereotypical, its been done before, or unoriginal? I care- I care a little too much about that. 

    Writing here is hopefully going to be kind of like exposure or rejection therapy. If I want to be a creative I need to actually create rather than think too hard if something is good enough for the world to see. If you love art, and music, and the act of creation, then there will be a point where you can't stand to solely be the consumer. You want to participate! Thats something I want to try and do more. Not only creating for yourself, but sharing it with others. It feels almost selfish not to do so. The truth is that anyone can do it, and unfortunately a lot of people have the idea that they could never create something as good as the art they admire. I wish people, including myself, could create without fear of judgement or materialistic goals in mind. ***

    Even this very topic is so played out, countless people have talked about it before me, and even more will talk about it after me. I'm actually getting a very uncanny feeling right now writing this. Maybe I've written these exact words before. Or said them to someone. If you're reading this and I said this to you, thats pretty cool! If you wrote this before, I think I plagiarized you, sorry. We all plagiarize, probably. 

    A lot of my assignments are forcing me to do an insane amount of introspection that makes it all the worse to try and simultaneously meet people and get to know them. We're all sharing personal details about ourself which makes it both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. You know when you're ready to accommodate others but not give yourself any grace whatsoever? Yeah. Plus I've had a cough for past week and a half. I have to leave the classroom to get rid of my coughing fits... its horrible. AND: I got stuck in the Parsons building elevator for 40 minutes last week. I don't care, I will milk that horrible event for sympathy because it was truly an ordeal. Full elevator and it jerks to a full stop between floors. We had to call someone to fix it. The ventilation and AC was kind of weak and I was sweating bullets. 

     So I will close this one out with an affirmation that I will not get stuck in the elevator again, I will not judge myself so harshly, I will create, I will be weird, curious, and honest, which is something some faculty member at orientation week said. I wrote it down in my notes at the top of my class schedule as a reminder. 

*** edit: I'm now realizing that I wrote about this exact thing in my research paper for AP Literature.?? I must really love talking about this. okay... 

Hey

 

A while ago I drew a picture of myself when I was a baby. I think its pretty cute so this is my first post on here. My name is Madeline or Maddie if you've known me forever. It doesn't have to be forever though- I've been Maddie since I was born and its what all my family calls me. Sometimes I like to be taken more """seriously""" and opt for Madeline when introducing myself, which is pretty silly to be honest. Some stuff about me-

•  I more-so tend to buy books and read them halfway than finish them, even though I say I love to read. I do finish them eventually 
• I'm lefthanded 
• I loved Radiohead in 9th grade so that's why I am perpetually Miss Fak3PlasticTrees
• Izzy Star said I should totally go ahead and make a blog so hi Izzy Star 6000. 
• I like music too. in a normal and not all consuming way of course

I don't have enough energy right now to fully customize this. Love 💗